Den Chat: Stressed? Burned Out?

{photo by Erika Wittlieb}

This year we are focusing on Life Together, and one way we can do SLOCA life together is to encourage each other when the going gets tough. Because no matter how committed we are to educating our children, sometimes we just don’t feel up to the task. It can be particularly painful after the holiday break.

We had another “Den Chat” with a few seasoned SLOCA parents, who weighed in on what they do when they feel the dark clouds rolling in. We asked “What do you do when you're feeling burned out, tired, wanting to quit? How do you get re-motivated to lean into SLOCA life?” Here are their responses:

– Take a morning off. That’s what one mom and her family did last Monday. Instead of tackling school, she and her daughter went for a hike at Montana de Oro. Later, they got back to business. “Start with something fun,” she said. “Save the hardest part for the middle or the end.” Getting organized and not procrastinating is another good way to stave off burnout, she added.

– “I think talking to other moms at SLOCA is really helpful,” shared another mom. “Talking with others who understand the burnout and frustration really helps. My husband is not always the most sympathetic.” But she also added that on especially heavy reading weeks when she’s physically and mentally exhausted, if her husband reads an assignment or two the night before, it definitely helps keep her positive. 

– Another long-time SLOCA mom is a believer in giving her two children breaks. During the holiday, they didn’t stress about schoolwork. They played games or read aloud. When the stress level rises on homeschool days, she gives her students an incentive to complete their lessons. “I say let’s get three things done, and then we can do what you want to do,” she said. Sometimes, she will pull out an activity that her children haven’t seen in awhile. That can be enough to motivate them to get going.

– “When I’m feeling burned out,” answered one parent, “I reassess our life and I ‘trim the fat.’ She went on to explain, “Typically, what adds to my burnout is doing too many other things and having too many other commitments so I will lessen those. I also look to see what I’m doing that really feeds my soul. If I’m operating on an empty tank, I can only do that for so long and so I look for ways to fill my tank—lunch with a friend, taking time to read my book during the day, going for a leisurely walk.” She also offered the helpful tip that “having something to look forward to goes a long way in keeping me motivated, so if needed, I’ll schedule something fun a few weeks out.”

– “It’s ok to be flexible,” another mom shared. “When my daughter is bored, that means that I’m a little bored, too. Enthusiasm feeds off each other, and so we do something new, anything new. That changes up the energy.”

– Several others agreed with a mom who replied, “I really like meeting with another mom and spring boarding ideas off of her. Typically it’s with a seasoned SLOCA mom who gets me a bit and whom I share common lifestyle stuff with.” She also shared that it helps to talk with her spouse and let him know that she's feeling tired out and needing to tweak some things in the family schedule, with his help. Another idea she mentioned: over Christmas Break or over the President’s Holiday when we get Monday/Tuesday off, she likes to take a big chunk of time (with the kids active and engaged somewhere else in the house or at a friend’s home) and go through her homeschool room to tidy up and refresh supplies. That makes her feel “ready to go again.”

– One SLOCA mom who does the homeschooling and works outside the home as well responded that she’s pretty rigid about sticking to a schedule (so things don’t fall apart), but that sometimes during a particularly stressful week, she allows her kids to have more playtime. “After all, they are still little kids, and it’s nice to see them interacting with one another and using their very active imaginations,” she said. “We may have an extended lunch together, where we’ll talk about what’s happening in school. Or, I’ll let them jump on their bikes and ride down the street to burn off energy. I’ll come back to the work later, either in the evening when everyone has calmed down, or on the weekend,” she added.

– Another parent remarked that “no matter what it is (work, SLOCA, doing laundry) that has me less-than-motivated, I have to go back to my ‘why’ to stay motivated and/or re-engage. It's generally a loss of focus or purpose that impacts my attitude in a negative way.” She went on to mention that she prays for strength and relies on her faith to help her get back on track. 

– Along similar lines, a fellow parent stated that when she starts to wonder if another school option sounds more appealing, she thinks about each alternative and realizes nothing else has all the benefits of SLOCA for her family. “No matter what you do, there will be something hard about it,” she said. “SLOCA has proven to be a place that draws our family together and engages my kids in their education. The community has been so good for us too. I can get through some rough or grumpy times as a mom knowing that my kids are thriving and learning, and that I get to be a part of it.”

– And one long-time SLOCA mom who always has a smile on her face shared that most days she is pretty energized to do SLOCA life.  She believes in what they are doing and they are “all in” when it comes to the SLOCA way of educating for life. But like everyone, she has occasional moments when she feels weary. When this happens, she jumps right into the things that fill her up as a homeschool mama. A few of her favorites are:

• Thank you notes! “I keep a gratitude journal and have done so for years.  When I need a boost, I write 5 thank you notes of gratitude to those people who are making an impact in my child’s education – coaches, teachers, etc.  I also love to leave a thank you voicemail, text message, and I love expressing gratitude in person most of all.”
• Outside time.  “I no longer have the time for the 2 hour hikes that I used to enjoy with my family, but I do have 30 minutes!  A 30 minute listening walk / mini hike near the ocean or the green hills gives everyone renewed energy!”
• Intentional time with friends. “I like people (okay I love people) and I love to connect with friends often to talk about education and parenting.  For me, this looks like a coffee date with a friend or a long walk with a friend.  We can bounce ideas off one another and at the end of an hour, we have a fresh perspective.  Life is sweet!  Enjoy!”

You know what else helps? Hanging around The Den after drop off or pick up and chatting with SLOCA friends/parents about this! I (Jenny) have been feeling a bit of weariness myself lately, so this timely post is as much for me as for all of you. I truly got so much out of discussing this topic with others,  and have been re-energized to more fully embrace this job of partnering in the education of my kids (it’s the best, really), and to try some new strategies like the ones shared here. 

One more recommendation: As Susie mentioned in last week’s update, come to the Family Business Meeting on Monday night (January 30). She said it best when she wrote: “The better informed you are and the more connected you are, the more invested and the more likely you will be to lean in to learning and into the SLOCA life in a manner that will allow your kids to truly flourish.” We hope to see you there!

Thank you to all the parents who shared these heartfelt words and helped make this post happen! Isn’t it reassuring that we all experience burnout from time to time, and can turn to each other? Keep this list of ideas handy for when it strikes, and be encouraged that this community is committed to learning and growing together… Semper discentes.

Leave a comment if you have more to add to this excellent conversation!

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